17 July 2013

Because Referencing Someone's Fertility on a First Date is Not OK! - Part 1

I'm a happily married lady now, but before finding Monsieur Right I had several scarring years of dating. There was one date in particular that really put me off dating completely. I've vaguely referenced it several times on here, and promised to write up the whole story one day. To be honest, I've started several times but could never finish because it just sucked so much. But today, the opportunity has arrived, and I'm linking up with Erin to tell you about my worst date ever.

(Technically, the link-up's tomorrow, but I have something up my sleeve planned for tomorrow, so the story's going up a bit early.)

Because this story is way too long, I'm going to split this post in two and throw in some pretty graphics with lessons this guy could use for his dating conquests, so that it reads a little more smoothly. Don't get me wrong - I hate dating "rules". All of that "He should ask you out, play hard to get, wait an hour before responding to a text", etc. is bull crap. But sometimes there are common sense rules, that apply to both dating and every day life. People who break them not only look silly/scary, but they also make the people around them extremely uncomfortable. Those rules are important.


In January, I drove four hours up to visit my best friend at her university for the weekend. We had a blast, and threw a BBQ Sunday night just before I left to go back home. Towards the end a guy friend of her's shows up and introduces himself. We'll call him Diesel. He seemed nice, but not really my type and I left, ten minutes later. This is important ladies. I only knew him for 10 minutes.

He gets my number from my friend and calls me up before I even leave town to see if we could be Facebook friends. Generally not something you ask people over the phone, but whatever. You can never have too many Facebook friends, right? If we're being frank here, I was also slightly flattered by all of the attention.

We chatted a bit back and forth, and he seemed pretty cool. I definitely could see friend potential with Diesel. Turns out, that while he was chatting with me, he was also looking through my friends list, searching for people I knew in Salt Lake so that he could get my home address.



Guess what? He found it. One of my super sweet friends came running up to me about a week before Valentine's day, super excited, "Diesel's coming to surprise you for Valentine's day!"

Me: How the heck do you know Diesel?

Friend: He saw that we were friends on Facebook and asked me to help him plan! He's just going to show up out of the blue at your apartment Saturday night, and invite you to dinner. You don't have any plans, right? I'm supposed to make sure you don't have any plans.

Me:  That's weird. He doesn't even know where I live.

Friend: Yes he does! I gave him your address. Isn't that the cutest?

Me: .:Stunned Silence:. How often do you give my address out to strangers online who ask for it?

She ended up feeling really bad afterwards, especially when I told her that I wasn't interested in Diesel. But we both decided that it was flattering. One date can't hurt, right? It seemed a little extreme, but some guys go a little overboard while they're trying to win a girl's attention.

Fast forward to Saturday night. He's late and is frantically texting me that I should wait before eating dinner - still has no idea that I know. When he finally gets there, he shows up at my door carrying a rose, and I pretend to look shocked. Despite the fact that I'm the world's worst liar, he buys it, and we head out to The Spaghetti Factory.


If you haven't been to The Spaghetti Factory, it's about as classy as Olive Garden. Not exactly a gourmet, fancy restaurant, but much, much classier than McDonalds. Which made it all the more surprising when Diesel thought it would be funny to spit his straw wrapper at me from the other side of the table. You know - like when little boys don't take their wrapper off all the way, let it hang from the end of their straw, and blow to see how far it will fly? Yeah. It flew onto my plate.

Part 2 is here!.... Hint: it involves him telling me what I can and cannot eat if I want to start popping out babies.

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