I'm Breaking Up With You

Dear France, 

You and I have had a rocky relationship for a while now, a lot of highs and a lot of lows. Frankly, I'm wondering how much longer we can keep this up. Sure, we've had some fun times, a few good laughs. But you've also broken my heart more than once. I've never cried so much in a relationship.

Honestly, it's not you. It's me. I'm an all-American, peanut butter m&m and root-beer float loving girl. You're pretentious, racist, and like to make things difficult than they need to be.

Oh wait... no. It's just you. Sorry.

The truth is, I want to start seeing other countries. I'm young and not ready to settle down yet. I think a separation would be better for us both. I feel terrible saying this, but I liked you for your looks - the buildings, the flowers, your cobblestoned streets- more than your personality.

Don't take this the wrong way. I'm so glad to have had you in my life, and I would love to stay friends. You changed my life in ways that I couldn't have ever imagined before having met you.

Do you remember when we first met? I was only 15, young and naive, when the plane landed in Paris that fateful day in April. It was love at first sight. You had me from "Bonjour."

I thought that you and I were forever, ever - just like that Taylor Swift song. But it turns out that you were just like all the other countries. You have more problems than solutions.

Am I willing to give you a second chance? Maybe. Deep down, I'm not ready to break things off for good. Despite my disappointment, I still have a lot of hope for our relationship. But if you really want things to work between us, this is something you're going to need to work on. Some days, I swear, it's like we're not even speaking the same language!

We've both made our fair share of mistakes. I should have made more of an effort to avoid butchering your language, and you could have worked on being a little less uptight.

So I'm offering you an all or nothing deal here.  We have to make some changes if we're gonna make this work. I promise to be more patient with your incompetent government workers, if you get your people to clean up after their dogs. I know that stepping in dog crap with your left foot is considered good luck here, but there's so much luck all over the sidewalks, that my neighborhood's starting to get really smelly.

The balls in your court now.

No matter what you decide, know that I will never forget you.

All my love.


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